LOVE...THE BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY

NOTE: THIS ENTRY WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED ON SEPT 12 2010, BUT WAS NOT PUBLISHED UNTIL JANUARY 26, 2011

It has been a very long time since my last entry, about seven months. As I have stated before, sometimes I go a long time without any real coherent thoughts about anything spiritual in particular coming together in a way that can be expressed in written form; how often our God comes to us in inexpressible ways and with inexpressible words spoken only to our spirits, our inner man. Yet at other times the reason was simply time and energy; the demands of a full time job with an hour commute can be factored in as well. I must admit that too much time spent on Facebook and other sites is another reason, for which I accept full responsibility; it is often hard to balance what I see as a legitimate ministry of encouragement to my online friends with just idle browsing that consumes time better spent in more worthy and productive pursuits. This of course is the hazard with any online endeavors, isn't it? I could even include this blog, except for the fact that I haven't really spent enough time at it for it to be such a hazard.

But there is one other reason for which I have been absent from this blog for this amount of time, a reason that even now is just leaving me breathless and at a loss for coherent words. Beginning in about mid-June, I began a Facebook email conversation with a sweet woman I knew back in my Eastern University days by the name of Janice, whom I had attempted to date at that time, and had gotten a very kind and gentle rebuff from. Our conversation began with simple friendly reminiscing about college friends, professors, experiences, etc. It then moved on to where our lives were at present, and the 25 years of joys and hardships we had both experienced. I will of course not reveal her personal information except to say that she was previously married and had been divorced about 14 years. Our conversations became gradually more intense as we began opening up to each other bit by bit, especially after she saw my photos on Facebook from an Eastern University reunion I had attended (which I fully intended to do a blog entry on, but never quite got to, much to my regret now). It finally got to the point where we simply HAD to meet each other, to see if the other person really was for real. After several bad experiences for both of us (see my earliest entries for one of mine), we both intensely longed for a real loving relationship with someone we could relate to, who could get us, and, above all, TRUST. On Saturday, July 31, we met on the campus of our old Alma mater...Eastern University...and spent an entire day there and in downtown Philadelphia at the Art Museum (which was having an incredible Renoir exhibition at the time). The details of this entire day can be seen in a note I did on my Facebook page describing the entire experience. We fell in love with each other with what I can only describe as blinding speed. She did not, and still does not, remember much about her college days; I, however, seem to have vivid memories of just about every little conversation and encounter I had with her, including that gentle but painful rebuff. But to me it was those memories that caused me to fall in love with her so fast; it was almost like the 25 years had never happened and we were back where we were. And then, in early October, the inevitable happened; I asked her to marry me. We both knew it was coming, but I had kind of planned to make it a little more elaborate than how it actually happened. We were in a park in Allentown, and I simply felt like this was the time. I had no ring in hand; nevertheless, I felt in my spirit that this was the time; not later, not tomorrow, but NOW. Needless to say her blue eyes lit up so brightly, like I've never seen them. I did get her a beautiful ring about two weeks later; I still can't keep my eyes off it when I see it on her finger. To me it is a tangible symbol of something very mysteriously intangible, but wonderful.

Over the months that have followed we have been spending as much time with each other as our work schedules and distance limitations permit; calling and texting each other daily. And even as the initial rush of a new relationship has worn off a bit, and the new rush of wedding planning has taken over, I find that our love for each other deepens and becomes more intense in a quiet and peaceful kind of way. It's like our love is now sinking roots deep into the soil, forming the firm foundation that our marriage will be able to safely rest on (yes, we are now engaged; it was inevitable really, when we both look at it). I am continually amazed and fascinated in an almost childlike way at just how beautiful and wonderful this whole experience is; to love a woman with the same intensity that Christ loves His Church and to have that love returned. I find myself delighting even in getting my hands dirty doing things for her, such as helping her do her dishes, or purchasing tires for her car so it won't slide in the rain any more.

To me these things constitute real love, real love the way Christ showed it to us. Talk about getting your hands dirty; I don't think there is any comparison to how low Jesus stooped to bring His Bride, the church, out of the fetid mud and into the His presence; the washing of the disciples' dirty feet is the most striking example of that to me. And I find it such a joy, over and over again, to be that for my fiancee. She is continually amazed and touched by these expressions, which in turn amazes and touches me. Neither of us are perfect by any stretch of the imagination; we both have disappointed each other at this time or that. But my deep love for her so overrides all of that that those things are forgotten in very quick order. How could I possibly hold anything against her? She is practically a part of me now; my true soulmate, my one and only.

One thing that concerned me early on was the possibility that this wonderful woman would quickly become an idol; someone that would replace Christ as supreme and central in my life. Has that happened? I really can't honestly answer that, except to say that I believe with all my heart that that happens to everyone who falls in love, to some extent or other. That being said, let me boldly state that I really don't believe that God is extremely put off by that inevitable result of falling in love. I can say with further honesty that I still consider Christ the supreme and central person in my life; He is my very Life, and none of this would have been possible without him for sure. When I was single and had nothing even close to any prospects, He was central and supreme; not because I had no one else and I figured I might as well make Him central; but because He WAS central and WAS supreme. My believing that or not believing that made no difference to the truth of that fact. So I have to believe in my heart of hearts that He still is, regardless of my occasional inattention to Him due to my preoccupation with my fiancee. Even when my soul wobbles on the path, I have never felt like God has been wroth with me over that fact. His gentle rod and staff have corrected me at those times, and still do.

And so, with only about 2 1/2 months before our time at the altar; our time where we make this union that God has created permanent, I am still left speechless at times by God's love and kindness in allowing me to have this woman in my life, and to have her for the rest of my earthly existence. May our Lord allow us to show His love to each other and it to be a witness to our families and friends of His great goodness.

Peace,
Tom Sebring