Affirmation

OK, I am back from the second of two weekend retreats. The one this past weekend was much more sedate than the Poconos retreat, but the content was much more mind-blowing. I'm not going to write about that one just yet; instead, I feel moved to write about a subject that God has been dealing with me about for a long time, but that seems to have come to a head of sorts in these past two weeks; the topic being affirmation.

Let's face it folks; we as humans need affirmation from one another. Affirmation is defined as being validation or confirmation, or the making of a positive statement. Examples of affirmation of the interpersonal kind can be statements like "I love you", or "you're a sweet guy", or "you're a smart girl", etc. It's always important that we as children receive a generous supply of these kinds of statement from our parents, teachers, and other adults who have charge over us. It is certainly true that you can grossly overdo the affirmation thing with kids and produce offspring with inflated egos who are set up for bitter disappointment and hurt when the world outside does not give that same affirmation. It can be fiercely addictive, as I have discovered in my own life, and I believe that it is that need-become-addiction that is at the root of what we call co-dependency. Nonetheless, it is a very real need that God has created within our souls. When we suffer the lack of it as children, we as adults will go looking for it anywhere we can find it, driven by a desperate need for some kind of validation that we are really good people and that we are really loved and worth loving. We will be driven to look for it in prostitutes, gurus, and lovers that promise us love but that end up instead using us and throwing us into the street, either literally or figuratively, only adding to our grief and despair and further fueling the desperation. The resulting abandonment often leads to suicide or mental breakdown. The fact must be faced; we cannot exist alone, apart from one another. When Paul Simon sang "I am a rock, I am an island", he meant it as a satire aimed at those people who, having been hurt one too many times in love and friendship, decided to go it alone and avoid all that hurt and hassle. But several experiments have been conducted involving test subjects isolated in caves alone for several months; the psychological effects were shocking. Subjects would suffer severe depression after a couple of months and usually have to be brought back to the surface after 3 or 4 months. It is hard to imagine what prisoners subject to months of solitary confinement suffer psychologically, all in the name of "rehabilitation". I have always believed that when God said "it is not good that man should be alone", even though it was in the context of the sexual union, He meant it to apply to all relationships between human beings. Mother Teresa spoke of abandonment as being the worst human condition, worse than poverty or starvation. I believe also that those who do not belong to Jesus through His blood will find themselves subject to an ETERNITY of this very abandonment, separation from God Himself. Whether there are demons and fire in this place or not, I tend to think that the abandonment will be by far the worst of the tortures endured by those who are so accursed.


Affirmation is a need that God has given us; it makes us who we are. But how often we find affirmation in very, very short supply. Not only have some people never had it, they have actually had anti-affirmation in the form of verbal or sexual abuse, severe rejection, or simply unrelenting criticism without corresponding positive reinforcement. God knows that the unredeemed world we live in is none too abundantly supplied with affirmation for us, from our schools, workplaces, and circles of "friends" as well as the media. Even our churches, supposed havens of peace and brotherly love, can be woefully short of it (much to their shame). And even those of us in the best of circumstances in terms of friends and family find severe droughts of affirmation at any given season. This is inevitable. We will always unintentionally fail each other in this way... forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, etc., forgetting kind words, criticizing unnecessarily, neglecting to do or say those simple little things that affirm the other person. We must learn in Christ to forgive ourselves when we are guilty of this omission, and forgive others when they fail to affirm us. It is part of our growth in Him that we learn to affirm one another with more consistency, as His nature replaces our old nature by the work of the Cross.


In these times when we find affirmation from our brothers and sisters unavailable, we must quite simply find in in Christ Himself. Our inability to find that affirmation in Christ often exposes an over-dependence on affirmation from other people that has developed in our church life, or perhaps has always been a part of our old nature. Trust me when I say that this is an area that God really, really has to deal with in the life of a believer. If we are not receiving affirmation of who we are in Christ FROM Christ via His Holy Spirit on a DAILY basis, we are not really walking fully in the Life that God has for ALL of his children. This is not some mind game or new-age mantra (although the sayings of folks like Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra seem on the surface to contain similar truths, there is one ENORMOUS difference; NO CHRIST). This is the Gospel, pure and simple. This is a matter of faith. And what is faith? To put in terms a 4-year-old can understand, it is AGREEING WITH GOD. By this I mean:


Agreeing with God that I am seated in Heavenly places at the His Right Hand (Eph. 2-5-7);


Agreeing with God that I am crucified with Him and am dead to myself but alive in Christ (Gal. 2:20;


Agreeing with God that I am holy and blameless in His sight (Eph. 1:4;


Agreeing with God that He loves me (John 3:16, 1 John 3:1)


Agreeing with God that His plans are only for my best good (Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28)


Agreeing with God that my suffering will bring about good, and that it will not endure forever (Psalm 30:5, 1 Peter 1:6, James 1:2-3);


Agreeing with God that the work of the Cross is finished once and for all, and that there is NOTHING left for me to do but believe and walk in it (John 19:30)


And...here is the biggie...agreeing with God that HE IS GOOD (Psalm 103, Psalm 107, Zech. 9:17,

Romans 2:4; also see my July 15 post)


I could go on and on with more, but the point is this; there can be no more powerful affirmation in the universe for a believer in Jesus Christ than to know that all of the above, and more, is true. We are loved by Him, saved by Him, made righteous in Him, strengthened in Him, victorious over the Enemy in Him, on and on. Until we can come to know this affirmation FOR OURSELVES, FROM HIM, we continue to wallow in self pity and self-deprecation, loving the Christ in us but hating the person in whom He lives. The most loving and precious words from our loving brothers and sisters can bring temporary respite, but they CANNOT bring us to the healing and real belief that is needed to soar out of the mire and into His arms; GOD ALONE can, by His Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation, bring us to that place. And then, when we do get affirmation from our most trusted loved ones and fellow saints, we can receive it fully in joy and thankfulness, and, more importantly, PASS IT ON. It must be remembered that there is no real final arrival to be looked for in this process; it is lifelong. And of course, our final affirmation will come when we, standing before His Mercy Seat, are found to be written in the Lamb's Book of Life and sealed with His blood, found therefore to be faultless and blameless, and welcomed into His Kingdom.

May we find our affirmation first in our Lord, then from our brothers and sisters, and be more willing, having received it, to give it out to others than receive more for ourselves. It will come.

Peace in Him,
Tom Sebring