WHO AM I?

Well, a new year is here, brothers and sisters. And most of us will be making a lot of resolutions, many of those being the same resolutions we made last year, and the year before, and the year before, etc. And, therefore, this year presents yet another opportunity for us to fail, yet again. To many of us the failures have piled so high that the making of resolutions has become just a meaningless ritual, a way of deceiving ourselves into a false sense of power over the things in our lives that hold us in bondage and hold us back from what God wants for us. I'm not necessarily talking about addictions here (although those are certainly a more extreme kind of bondage), but just habits, patterns, and ruts that we are mired in and can't seem to get out of. I myself have my share of them, and have spent year after year trying to overcome them by my own human strength and, of course, failing time after time.

So the question then arises; why does God permit this banging of our heads against the wall to go on and on, year after year? If these things we are stuck in are sin, as they often are, why doesn't God either punish us with horrible calamity, kill us outright, or simply blow the offending bondage out of the way and deliver us instantaneously? Well, for myself I have come to see that it is for one overriding reason; a matter of such immense importance to God that He would permit me to stumble for a length of time to discover it. That reason is; TO DISCOVER WHO I REALLY AM IN HIM, AND WHO HE REALLY IS IN ME.

So, who am I, really? Who am I in Him? And, just as importantly, who am I NOT? These, as I am discovering, are not questions that can easily be answered in a mere sound byte or quick paragraph. For most of us who are saved by His grace and who call ourselves His followers, it takes years and even decades to find the answers to these questions to the extent that we can say we really KNOW with any kind of confidence. After all, these are spiritual questions, with spiritual answers; these kinds of concepts don't usually lend themselves to explanations using mere human language and thought patterns. You either KNOW these truths deep in your SPIRIT, or you don't; yet, even if you don't really grasp them fully, you know in your spirit that the answers exist, and that they will come in time if you patiently seek HIM as the source of the answers. Of course I don't have years to write this blog entry, or enough terabytes of space to explain the answers in the fullness that they probably deserve, so I will try my best to reduce it to something readable and that makes at least rudimentary sense, and that perhaps might at least whet the reader's appetite to seek the Lord further to find out for him/herself, in a way that makes sense to him/her.

To begin with, Paul provides some windows onto these identity questions in several places in his letters to churches. I start with Ephesians chapter 1, which to me is one of the most magnificent passages of the New Testament in terms of showing us our standing with Christ and just what it is we have inherited by being adopted by Him as sons and daughters. Here it is, folks:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory."

So, to start with, we are adopted by Him as sons and daughters; in fact, we have been predestined to be so. Not only that, but we are HOLY and BLAMELESS before him as sons and daughters. Now, the last sentence would seem to be speaking of something that is for the afterlife...the redemption of us who are His possession...but I believe with all my heart that the title of son and daughter of the Most High is for NOW, as is our holy and blameless standing.

Another tantalizing glimpse into our identity can be found in Galatians 2, in a passage familiar to most Christians, but not really understood:

"For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

So here Paul is speaking not of inheritance and sonship, but of just who it is who runs the show in his inner being. His old nature, that which was ruled by sin, is crucified and dead. That nature no longer lives, but the new nature that is united with Christ lives in its place.

Paul describes the character of that old nature in Romans 7:

"Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death."

and:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

OK, what does all this mean? What Paul is saying is that his old nature acts 180 degrees opposite of what he knows in his spirit man is right. Why? Quite simply, because his old nature, the nature that is INDEPENDENT of God, which rose to its prominence after the Fall, CANNOT obey God in any way, shape or form, because it is controlled by sin (i.e., SATAN). This is why what Paul describes in Galatians HAD to happen; the DEATH and CRUCIFIXION of our old nature. This death and crucifixion took place the moment we were saved (that's what our baptism represented, folks; our DEATH). Yet, in our souls and our minds, this death and crucifixion is an ongoing process that often takes years to come to its full fruition (at least that's my experience; if anyone out there has had that happen faster, kudos to you, but I suspect there aren't many of you).

So, are we left as dead and crucified? Heavens to Betsy, NO! As we read on in Romans 8, we see this:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."

and:

"You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."

So it is that we live not by our former life, but by ANOTHER LIFE. That life is Christ Himself, whose Spirit is united with our spirit indelibly. This is the resurrection part of the equation. We are crucified with Him in sin, and resurrected with Him in righteousness.

This familiar part of 2 Corinthians kind of summarizes it all:

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

I am a new creation; a resurrected version of myself that is united with Christ and does not draw its life from the self, but from HIM. My spirit is in a sort of symbiotic relationship with His spirit (a biological term for a mutually beneficial relationship, for you non-nerds). That's an earthly way of describing a spiritual reality, but it works for me. And another thing; these promises and affirmations are NOT, repeat, NOT just for the afterlife, for the “sweet by and by”; they are for TODAY, for RIGHT NOW. The moment we were saved, this identity became our new reality. For most of us it has just taken a lot of time to come to the reality in our finite and imperfect minds. But it has ALWAYS been true.

So, that's the answer to the question, "who am I", in as much of a nutshell as I can put it. And, quite frankly, I feel like the nut in the shell myself trying to figure this out sometimes. I don't think that it's really for us to figure out, but to LIVE. I think perhaps that if we can just combine these glimpses of truth with that of my last post (just "being" who I am rather than trying to do it), we might just get somewhere. Not that we are trying to arrive at some final place where we really KNOW for all time who we are; but that, perhaps, we might grasp our identity in Christ to enough of an extent that we stop the incessant beating of our heads against the wall trying to achieve by our efforts what He has ALREADY GIVEN US as a free gift the very moment we said yes to Him and no to ourselves as Lord of our lives. Who am I? I am HIS CHILD, HIS HEIR, and a NEW CREATION. What more can we possibly want, apart from being with Him in person in the next life? I can only speak for myself in saying that this revelation (and it really does come from revelation, not reading and hearing sermons) has been the most powerfully liberating gift from God that I have received since actually being saved (and I have heard similar testimonies from other folks that have had this revelation about their true identity in Christ, though they came about it in different ways). I'm not asking anyone to agree with it or even give it any thought on its own merits, but I'm just giving out what He has given me, as I've been trying to do here all along, and granting the reader the freedom to seek it out for themselves; to seek HIM for themselves.

Peace to all,
Tom Sebring

P.S. Some very good insights on this subject of our identity in Christ can be found in the writings of Norman Grubb, Dan Stone, Sylvia Pearce and Jon Eldredge, and in some of the messages of Joyce Meyer, Wayne Monbleau, and Steve Brown.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Wow, it's been a long time since my last post. Well, stuff comes to me when it comes to me, I guess. What I want to talk about is something I felt the Lord impress upon my spirit through His Spirit about a week ago, when I was struggling with some minor decisions that my mind was turning into major ones, as it often does (no, that doesn't ever happen to any of us, does it?). His answer to my dilemmas was startling in its stark brevity and childlike simplicity; BE. Now, what the heck does that mean? I knew what He meant in my spirit, but it probably bears some explanation, since that word all by its lonesome self is so maddeningly simple to our minds. What God was trying to tell me was simply to be who I was; to abide, to rest in who I am in Him. To gain some further insight into this, I decided to blow the dust off of one of my old Shakespeare anthologies and find the place in Hamlet where the Danish prince of the same name ponders the simple dilemma; to be or not to be.



In that very, very famous speech, Hamlet asks, quite frankly, whether it is better to endure life's circumstances and fight them tooth and nail, or to simply give up the ghost and end it all. Shakespeare in his great genius reduces it all down to that one very simple dilemma; TO BE OR NOT TO BE. To continue to exist despite the hardship and bad fortunes of life, or to just throw in the towel. Paul, in Philippians, asked that question directly himself when he pondered the advantages of going home to the Lord vs. remaining on this earth with all its trials and tribulations. Paul was truly torn between the two, having seen his Lord as so infinitely superior to all the things of this earth and all of his learning and experience as a Pharisee of Pharisees. His choice of course was to remain, not for his own sake but for the sakes of those under his care in the churches, and for his Lord, who still had work on earth for him to do. But I would like to address this dilemma in a yet deeper way, and from a different angle; that of our life source. By that I mean simply that life source that we live the Christian life by, the source of our ability to obey the Lord and walk in His ways, and be holy and wholly unto Him. I have come to see and believe in my own pursuit of the Lord for about 25 years that this very question hovers in my spirit and soul every single day, offering me a choice. But for me, it is not so much a matter of "to be" in life itself, in fleshly existence, in my "mortal coil", but to be IN HIM or NOT IN HIM. Now what the heck do I mean by that?



In his letter to the Colossians, Paul speaks of the Mystery, which is what? "Christ in you, the hope of glory". In Romans 8 he speaks of how he no longer lives, but Christ lives in him, and that he is a new creation. In Ephesians he speaks of how we are God's adopted children, no longer strangers and aliens, but citizens. There are countless other examples in the New Testament of how we no longer live by our life but by His life. This is an inscrutable fact; our old nature IS dead, and we DO live by Christ in us.

But, as Shakespeare said, "here's the rub"; all of this is nothing but a cluster of dogmatic statements that we parrot to ourselves and each other unless we LIVE it. And how do we do that? By more self effort? Forget it! That would be a self-contradiction, trying to live by Christ's life in your own efforts. No, we have to KNOW it, not in our heads but in our hearts, souls and spirits, and that kind of knowledge comes one way, and one way only; REVELATION. That revelation may come in one sweeping tempest that blows away all of your preconceptions and ignorance in one fell swoop, or, like with myself, in a chipping and chiseling process that takes years. Often it involves a lot of frustration, failure and downright suffering, to bring us to the place where we cease clinging with desperation to our self-sufficiency and simply SURRENDER our will to His will; our ideas to His ideas, our vision to His vision. As traumatic as all of this is, it is a great blessing in disguise, for it enables us FINALLY to "enter His rest", as Hebrews alludes to. It's when I have come to this place that the meaning of "BE" becomes so very clear; all my blessed Lord really ever requires of me is....to BE! BE who I am in Him. BE who he has created me to be. BE the new creation that He says that I am. When the word "abide" is used in the King James version of the scriptures, it basically means the same thing; to BE, or to live. When it says in 1 John, "and now little children, abide in Him", God is telling us to BE...in Him!

And what about the Ten Commandments? What about all those things Paul, Peter, James and the others tell us a Christian ought to, needs to, has to, do, and not do? These, Paul in Romans and whoever in Hebrews makes clear, are the Law. But what do these two writers say about that? They say that we are DEAD to that law, and that it is now written on our hearts. Therefore, it is Christ IN US that does and avoids these things, NOT US. I find myself walking in obedience (not perfectly, of course) as a natural part of my BEING in Him, NOT as an effort that I undertake independent of Him. DOING comes from BEING. James tells us that faith without works is dead; well, our good works in Him emanate forth from our BEING who we are in Him! Folks, it's really, really that simple. There is no need to constantly belittle each other and ourselves to perform and to serve; these things should come as naturally as breathing when we are living by another life, that life being Christ Himself, our hope of Glory. Do we ever reach perfection? NEVER. Not while we dwell in these tents and live on this earth. But in our stumbling, it is essential that we keep our focus on Him, not as a God that is up there looking down on us with pen and clipboard in hand, but as our Lord living IN US, living His life in place of ours. Hallelujah! May we all come to the place in God where we can live in Him holy and wholly by doing just one thing; BEING.

Peace to all,
Tom Sebring

Affirmation

OK, I am back from the second of two weekend retreats. The one this past weekend was much more sedate than the Poconos retreat, but the content was much more mind-blowing. I'm not going to write about that one just yet; instead, I feel moved to write about a subject that God has been dealing with me about for a long time, but that seems to have come to a head of sorts in these past two weeks; the topic being affirmation.

Let's face it folks; we as humans need affirmation from one another. Affirmation is defined as being validation or confirmation, or the making of a positive statement. Examples of affirmation of the interpersonal kind can be statements like "I love you", or "you're a sweet guy", or "you're a smart girl", etc. It's always important that we as children receive a generous supply of these kinds of statement from our parents, teachers, and other adults who have charge over us. It is certainly true that you can grossly overdo the affirmation thing with kids and produce offspring with inflated egos who are set up for bitter disappointment and hurt when the world outside does not give that same affirmation. It can be fiercely addictive, as I have discovered in my own life, and I believe that it is that need-become-addiction that is at the root of what we call co-dependency. Nonetheless, it is a very real need that God has created within our souls. When we suffer the lack of it as children, we as adults will go looking for it anywhere we can find it, driven by a desperate need for some kind of validation that we are really good people and that we are really loved and worth loving. We will be driven to look for it in prostitutes, gurus, and lovers that promise us love but that end up instead using us and throwing us into the street, either literally or figuratively, only adding to our grief and despair and further fueling the desperation. The resulting abandonment often leads to suicide or mental breakdown. The fact must be faced; we cannot exist alone, apart from one another. When Paul Simon sang "I am a rock, I am an island", he meant it as a satire aimed at those people who, having been hurt one too many times in love and friendship, decided to go it alone and avoid all that hurt and hassle. But several experiments have been conducted involving test subjects isolated in caves alone for several months; the psychological effects were shocking. Subjects would suffer severe depression after a couple of months and usually have to be brought back to the surface after 3 or 4 months. It is hard to imagine what prisoners subject to months of solitary confinement suffer psychologically, all in the name of "rehabilitation". I have always believed that when God said "it is not good that man should be alone", even though it was in the context of the sexual union, He meant it to apply to all relationships between human beings. Mother Teresa spoke of abandonment as being the worst human condition, worse than poverty or starvation. I believe also that those who do not belong to Jesus through His blood will find themselves subject to an ETERNITY of this very abandonment, separation from God Himself. Whether there are demons and fire in this place or not, I tend to think that the abandonment will be by far the worst of the tortures endured by those who are so accursed.


Affirmation is a need that God has given us; it makes us who we are. But how often we find affirmation in very, very short supply. Not only have some people never had it, they have actually had anti-affirmation in the form of verbal or sexual abuse, severe rejection, or simply unrelenting criticism without corresponding positive reinforcement. God knows that the unredeemed world we live in is none too abundantly supplied with affirmation for us, from our schools, workplaces, and circles of "friends" as well as the media. Even our churches, supposed havens of peace and brotherly love, can be woefully short of it (much to their shame). And even those of us in the best of circumstances in terms of friends and family find severe droughts of affirmation at any given season. This is inevitable. We will always unintentionally fail each other in this way... forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, etc., forgetting kind words, criticizing unnecessarily, neglecting to do or say those simple little things that affirm the other person. We must learn in Christ to forgive ourselves when we are guilty of this omission, and forgive others when they fail to affirm us. It is part of our growth in Him that we learn to affirm one another with more consistency, as His nature replaces our old nature by the work of the Cross.


In these times when we find affirmation from our brothers and sisters unavailable, we must quite simply find in in Christ Himself. Our inability to find that affirmation in Christ often exposes an over-dependence on affirmation from other people that has developed in our church life, or perhaps has always been a part of our old nature. Trust me when I say that this is an area that God really, really has to deal with in the life of a believer. If we are not receiving affirmation of who we are in Christ FROM Christ via His Holy Spirit on a DAILY basis, we are not really walking fully in the Life that God has for ALL of his children. This is not some mind game or new-age mantra (although the sayings of folks like Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra seem on the surface to contain similar truths, there is one ENORMOUS difference; NO CHRIST). This is the Gospel, pure and simple. This is a matter of faith. And what is faith? To put in terms a 4-year-old can understand, it is AGREEING WITH GOD. By this I mean:


Agreeing with God that I am seated in Heavenly places at the His Right Hand (Eph. 2-5-7);


Agreeing with God that I am crucified with Him and am dead to myself but alive in Christ (Gal. 2:20;


Agreeing with God that I am holy and blameless in His sight (Eph. 1:4;


Agreeing with God that He loves me (John 3:16, 1 John 3:1)


Agreeing with God that His plans are only for my best good (Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28)


Agreeing with God that my suffering will bring about good, and that it will not endure forever (Psalm 30:5, 1 Peter 1:6, James 1:2-3);


Agreeing with God that the work of the Cross is finished once and for all, and that there is NOTHING left for me to do but believe and walk in it (John 19:30)


And...here is the biggie...agreeing with God that HE IS GOOD (Psalm 103, Psalm 107, Zech. 9:17,

Romans 2:4; also see my July 15 post)


I could go on and on with more, but the point is this; there can be no more powerful affirmation in the universe for a believer in Jesus Christ than to know that all of the above, and more, is true. We are loved by Him, saved by Him, made righteous in Him, strengthened in Him, victorious over the Enemy in Him, on and on. Until we can come to know this affirmation FOR OURSELVES, FROM HIM, we continue to wallow in self pity and self-deprecation, loving the Christ in us but hating the person in whom He lives. The most loving and precious words from our loving brothers and sisters can bring temporary respite, but they CANNOT bring us to the healing and real belief that is needed to soar out of the mire and into His arms; GOD ALONE can, by His Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation, bring us to that place. And then, when we do get affirmation from our most trusted loved ones and fellow saints, we can receive it fully in joy and thankfulness, and, more importantly, PASS IT ON. It must be remembered that there is no real final arrival to be looked for in this process; it is lifelong. And of course, our final affirmation will come when we, standing before His Mercy Seat, are found to be written in the Lamb's Book of Life and sealed with His blood, found therefore to be faultless and blameless, and welcomed into His Kingdom.

May we find our affirmation first in our Lord, then from our brothers and sisters, and be more willing, having received it, to give it out to others than receive more for ourselves. It will come.

Peace in Him,
Tom Sebring

Three days of Heaven Part 2

This continues the story of my weekend in the Poconos at Wayne Monbleau's Let's Talk About Jesus Fall Retreat; I had left the story at Saturday night, having found a single room available to get some desperately needed sleep to be ready for tomorrow's events and the drive home.

In the morning I woke up early enough to have some time to walk on the premises; though the sky was overcast and gray, there was that kind of subdued pastel atmosphere to the natural surroundings; a kind of sweet melancholy that felt peaceful yet somewhat somber. Some patches of snow still remained on the ground that gave a distinctly un-Octoberlike appearance to the landscape. My spirit was at peace even though my mind was pondering the things I was witnessing, not just in the meetings but in my encounters with other believers; here I was in a large group of Christians for the first time in years, and I was finding it a little awkward to adjust. I had no idea how hungry I was for this kind of fellowship until I got here. But like a starving man at a banquet table, I didn’t quite know where to start. But I trusted my God to lead me in His way and allow me to receive what He had for me here.

I brought my camcorder to the breakfast to get at least some record of the believers that I met here, but I only really half-heartedly made the effort. I wanted to keep on receiving what God was showing me with no distractions such as a camcorder whatsoever. Next time I might make more videos, but this was really, for the most part, not the time or place for it.

The Sunday meeting was yet one more awesome time of worship and praise to God, and words from Wayne pertaining to the Bread and the Water of Life. It ended wonderfully with communion, and then, all too soon, it was all over. Afterwards I met some people I had not met before, including one young African-American sister who just radiated a blinding light of Christ in a way I have never witnessed before, and who spoke encouraging words from the Lord to me, having never met me in her life. There was one more big lunch buffet, in which I met an interesting young sister from Madagascar and a divorced brother whose relationship struggles were somewhat similar to my own. Much good conversation in the Lord followed, and then….it was really over. With my luggage packed already that morning, I wandered the halls of the hotel for a bit and said some last goodbyes, feeling the emotion I had come to know as “post-conference blues” already beginning to set in. The drive back was somber, as I pondered again all the things I had learned there in God, still trying to process it all.

That Sunday evening the blues I spoke of became more intense, probably due to the fact that this was such an intense event spiritually, and that, unlike many conferences and retreats before, I was returning to an empty apartment with just me. I had some wonderful conversations with a couple people in my church Sunday evening which were a help in dispelling these blues. Yet I did know that, somehow, in a way I could not yet fathom, and still cannot, that this gathering of saints had set in motion things of the Lord which were now inevitable and which had waited a long time to come about. God is moving, as He always is. The wilderness might endure for yet some time longer, but the Promised Land is always at its end. I know that this will not be the last time I attend this event; I will, once more with no agendas of my own coming in but an expectation of the love of Jesus Christ, be back.

Three days of Heaven Part 1

On Sunday evening I got back from what is probably the most amazing gathering of believers in one place that I have ever experienced in my entire walk with the Lord. The gathering I am speaking of was Wayne Monbleau's Let's Talk About Jesus Fall Retreat in the Poconos. Now I have said in the past that this blog is part journal and part essay on the faith as I know it; this particular entry will end up being more of the former. Also, please let it be known that I have learned the hard way over the years never to become attached to one single man or woman who ministers the gospel; Paul repeatedly rebuffed people's attempts to make him into some kind of guru or cult figure, instead pointing them away from himself and towards Jesus Christ. Would that all of the ministers of the gospel out there today would do the same. Nonetheless I have found that Wayne's message, among a precious few others, is a rare jewel of pure gospel focusing solely on the finished work of Jesus Christ and His unconditional love for each and every one of us. Knowing this ahead of time, I signed up for and travelled to this event with intense anticipation of seeing my Lord Jesus in a new and fresh way, which sounds very cliche of course, but which I must say significantly understates what I really did experience. So let me take a break from the usual topical content for this posting and give you all a glimpse into my ventures into new territory in Him for a single weekend. Again, I give no credit to myself or even Wayne and Debbie (which is the way they would want it, believe me) , but to Jesus Christ Himself.


For a long time now I have felt before the Lord that there was an intense need in my life to expand beyond my present borders in terms of church life and get into contact with more believers. The fact that I belong to a tiny house church which is composed of about a dozen people, only half of which on any given Saturday or Sunday actually meet together, due to schedules, distance and health issues. This creates a dilemma for a single brother such as myself. I find that my opportunities for consistent fellowship and relationship with my fellow believers are very far and few between. This is a good thing at times, being that it gives me more opportunities to be alone with the Lord and hear His voice more clearly in my life, as I have discussed in previous postings. But it can become suffocating being without the voices of a multitude of other believers who can give me differing views of the Lord that I might previously have not considered. And also, one thing our group discovered in its journey is that any small house-based group like ours can become very insular and isolated without meaning to; meaning that we had difficulty seeing outside our own matrix of experience with God and difficulty seeing the value and validity of others' experiences with God coming from other church expressions. And this in a group of about 30; how much more so is the hazard of my repeating that mistake in my own walk in a group of only 12. And yet, despite all of this, I know that God has us all EXACTLY where He wants us. I have no intentions whatsoever, and feel no leading whatsoever, to walk away from this tiny but very alive group of saints who are finding the Lord daily in ways we were not able to in our previous years. And yet, I know from many good and honest conversations with my fellow travelers that we all are needing to venture out beyond the tiny borders of our church world, fellowship with the rest of the brotherhood and sisterhood of our Lord and share with them and from them the riches of Christ.

It was in this spirit that I signed up without the slightest hesitation for this Poconos retreat with Loving Grace Ministries, Wayne Monbleau's umbrella organization. I had been listening to brother Wayne on the radio since the late 1980's and found him to be one of the very few voices of sanity and purity on the airwaves when it came to the gospel. I had also visited his website to purchase some tapes and noticed that the Fall retreat was upcoming soon. The day it became available I signed up; that fast. I sensed that the kind of fellowship with a larger group of His people that I was seeking was right here.

My excitement was intense as I travelled up the Turnpike to the Pocono Manor resort complex where the event was being held. With every exit I passed my anticipation grew. Finally I got of at the Pocono exit and followed the signs to the Inn, arriving with a slight rain beginning to fall. I checked into my room like I've done at so many other hotels and then milled about with some confusion looking for the place where one signed in for the event. When I finally found the sign-in table sitting there pretty as a picture was none other that Debbie Monbleau, Wayne's wife and an accomplished singer in her own right. Right away I could feel the warm radiance of Christ emanating from her heart; it was like standing next to a warm fire on a cold day. Next to her was a West Indian woman whose name I forget but who emanated that same sweet spirit. I knew then that this was going to be an extraordinary weekend. I must say that I underestimated just how extraordinary.

In that same room I met a brother named Tom who was there with a lady who I am assuming was his mother or older sister. Right away I could tell he was in terrible mental torment, fighting thoughts that were assaulting his mind relentlessly. His sobs and moans caught Debbie's attention, and immediately she began praying for him and then consoling him with words of comfort from the Lord. I conversed with him myself afterwards, and tried my best to give some words of encouragement myself, but I knew both Debbie and Wayne were more gifted in that area than myself, and that this was why Tom's guardian person had brought him (both Wayne and Debbie would pray for him many more times after that). I conversed with her as well and offered what consolation I could. I realized then that there was no use comparing my gifting with Wayne and Debbie or anyone for that matter, but that that did not absolve me from responsibility for USING WHAT I HAD to minister to a hurting brother in Christ. I had had a schizophrenic roommate for about 3 years and knew well the difficulties of ministering Christ to a tormented mind, so it was not like I had not ever been down that road. I had something to give, and I was going to give it even if it didn't seem very significant. God knew better. Only about three hours at the hotel and already God was beginning the lessons. And the blessings.

The weather had not been great when I came up, with a Nor'easter coming up the coast with a lot of rain and wind, and there was about 4 inches of wet snow on the ground up there. But the gray gloom could not dampen the glowing light coming from that rooms where the dinner and the first meeting were held.

At the first meal I met some good brothers and their wives from the NYC area who talked about their financial dilemmas (one of them was a union worker for the City)and how God was using those dilemmas to press them further into Him (I have been that route myself a couple times). I was also treated to the harmonica of Elder Glen, an African-American brother from the Philly area who played hymns and gospel songs on his harp like I have never heard anyone do. This brother goes to almost every retreat Wayne does, and never fails to add his piece of the picture with a few choice words of exhortation at every meeting (which Wayne always give the brother free reign to do; what church would you ever see that at?) At the evening meeting I was given the heavenly privilege of joining my brothers and sisters in praise and worship to the lovely music of Wayne, his wife Debbie and their longtime friend Lisa, another accomplished player and singer. The trio's harmonies were nothing less than glorious, as were the contributions of several other musicians working with Wayne. The message for the weekend was "Jesus Christ, Living Water and Bread of Life", and he cited the various verses dealing with Jesus as our Bread and as our Living Water, such as the woman at the well, the waters around the temple in Ezekiel, and the waters flowing from the throne in Revelation.

Friday night I did not sleep so well, due to the fact that my dear roommate, though he was a great brother, was also a prolific snorer. But I was determined to not let this dampen my spirits and my mission to meet believers and to take in what God had for me. It was nothing that a cup of coffee and a nap later on could not take care of. At each meal we were strongly encouraged by Wayne to sit with different people every time, and I heartily agreed. Breakfast found me sitting with a delightful trio of sisters in Christ from the Bronx who now lived in Connecticut, but who still retained that heavy Bronx dialect, and partaking of a quite extensive breakfast buffet. It had begun to snow outside, and by the time of the morning meeting it had become a full fledged snowfall. I cannot describe the magical and even holy atmosphere that was created by our Lord by the sight out of the picture windows of that snow falling on the hemlock and maple trees with their colors, while we sang songs of praise to Jesus Christ, the creator of all of this. It was lost on no one; Wayne compared it to the manna from heaven in the Sinai. I myself thought of all the songs singing of being washed as white as the snow and of Christ being purer than the snow. Our speaker this meeting was an African-American pastor named Ken Thompson whose deep sonorous voice reminded me of what Lou Rawls might have sounded like had he taken up preaching. He never screamed like some black preachers do, but nonetheless the power of his words shook the kingdoms of hell with their authority and grace.

Lunch was a huge buffet like breakfast; this time I sat with a gentle older black lady and her sweet daughter, along with an Asian lady and her husband ( I think). Afterwards there was free time for those who wished it, but I wanted to see the sharing service where brothers and sisters gave their testimonies. They were awesome; several with cancer survival stories, one with a rescue from alcoholism, and one involving a fall which should have killed the person but which instead testified to his doctors and relatives that God was real. Amen, I said.

I made a move at that time which I prayed about and felt a peace about God doing; I had my room switched to a single. God provided; one was still available. I believe that I did this for the sake of my roommate as well as myself, since we both were apnea sufferers and snorers as a result, and I did not want to put him through what I went through last night. On past church camping trips my reputation preceded me and I was always given single rooms or tents as a result of that reputation. Thought I certainly liked having a room or tent to myself, I always thought of it being more for the other person than myself. God is merciful and willing to provide for others as well as us when our hearts are in the right place. Another lesson.

I slept through the baptism service they had later, since I really needed the sleep, but was sorry to have missed it, since two of the recipients were kids. It warmed my heart knowing that God was looking out for the little ones there as well as us grownups. When I go to next year's I certainly will make it a point not to miss that.

At the Saturday dinner I had the delight of eating at the same table with Wayne and Debbie, along with Debbie's parents and two other family members. Wayne talked about how he met Debbie when he hired her on as a worship team replacement when the group Malachi was unable to perform (I remember Malachi; they were friends of mine; the piano player, Barb Yeoman, graduated from Eastern University one year before me; small world). The rest was history...or His Story, I should say. Again, Debbie impressed me so much with her gentle and loving spirit...and the fact that she and Wayne would take time to share their lives with little old me; I can't see most big megachurch leaders ever doing that. The realness and the loving hearts of Wayne and Debbie made a deep and abiding impression on my heart and soul that weekend...not because either of them were anything that special in themselves, but that Christ was so visible and accessible in them.

The Saturday service was wonderful...again Wayne spoke on the Living Bread and the Living Water that was Jesus Christ. There was more wonderful music, and we were introduced to a precious young couple, Ben and Jessica, who called themselves Constant Course when they had a band behind them. I always love to hear young people singing to the Lord and ministering unto Him as they have been gifted. They have so much of their lives in God ahead of them; awesome to think about the things God can do through them and the people they can touch with His love and grace. Afterwards it was nice to be able to go to a single room to get some good sleep, and know that Benito was going to get good sleep as well, but I still felt a little something missing in the company of a brother in the Lord. No blessing of God it seems is ever completely perfect; most of them seem to involve some kind of trade-off where we must weigh the options and discern in the spirit what the best one is in God's view. We cannot always have all the things we want or even need all at the same time; oftentimes our Lord dispenses them in increments. But in the end He is our shepherd, and we shall not want.
More to come.....

Remembering and Forgetting

"Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water color memories
Of the way we were"
Barbra Streisand

OK, it's been over a month since my last entry; I am realizing these days how demanding it is to keep up a blog; but I feel before the Lord that it is important to do so. There are several reasons for this; writing for me is my way of conveying God's thoughts and lessons to me out to the rest of humanity and Christendom, which, when you look at it, is no small responsibility. I don't make myself out to be some wise sage or prophet; I shun that kind of label entirely, actually. I am just an ordinary person gifted to write by an extraordinary Lord who uses whom He will to convey what He will, one way or another. I am supremely privileged but also humbled to be given this gift to share with my brothers and sisters. I only pray that my writings will continue to bring glory and honor to my Lord, and only to Him, and bring encouragement and healing whenever possible to my brothers and sisters as well. I think that the fact that an entire month has passed kind of proves that writing is not the walk in the park many might think it is, writing for the Lord even more so. I strive to make my thoughts as clear and concise as possible, and choose words painstakingly carefully, not to impress my readers with my eloquence but to be sure beyond any doubt that the thoughts He has given me are communicated in such a way that His power, grace, sufficiency, etc. are expressed fully without reserve in the way that He has uniquely gifted me to do so. To me, anything less would be like a painter cutting corners and doing a sloppy job, or an accountant fudging numbers. Using our giftings to the absolute best of our abilities as He has given them to us glorifies Him, nothing less.

OK, I guess it's time to get to the point of this entry; remembering and forgetting. Today I had a wonderful meeting in my apartment living room with myself and four other saints, which many days is about all the people from my tiny church of about a dozen we can manage to get together on any given Saturday or Sunday, due to the schedule complications all of us have. The story of how we got this small is much, much too long to tell in this, or any, entry. But let it be said that I am in the process of coming to terms and being at peace with this state of affairs in the tiny body of believers I am knitted to. After singing to the Lord, one of our main topics of sharing with one another (we usually read a couple chapters from a book or Scripture, but the Spirit led us to simply share with one another today) was our past as a body. I guess our main purpose outwardly was to bring a new brother who has just recently joined us up to speed with our long and tumultuous history; however, it became a discussion of some of the lessons we learned through the many phases we went through in the past 20 years or so, and how God has seen us through the good and bad times. Our little group has had many, many such sharings regarding remembrances of thing past over the past couple of years, and I have had many long talks over the phone with brothers and sisters about our past as well. 25 years in church life, with 17 of those years being in house church life, is not something that you can just walk away from or blot out, nor should you ever try. It is impossible to convey in mere words how precious and beautiful many of those times were for me and for all of us who were reminiscing today about them. It was through all of those times, both sweet and bitter, watching couples have kids and the kids grow up, watching old friends move away, watching one brother succumb to cancer, witnessing every kind of trouble from mental illness, to marital abuse, to substance abuse, that we as a church had bonds forged in God between us that are as unbreakable as steel cables, and that are still as strong as ever, if not stronger. Remembering not only helps us as believers, in both tiny churches and huge ones, bring new arrivals up to speed and give them understanding of who were are individually and corporately, but helps to remind us of how awesomely faithful our God has been to us to sustain us and keep us over all those years. Individually these stories of His goodness have power to inspire; corporately, they have power to shake mountains. Indeed, two of the most powerful rituals in the Judeo-Christian tradition have their roots in remembering, and both just happen to be inextricably intertwined with one another; the Passover Seder and the Lord's Supper. Throughout the Old Testament are many instances where the Lord commands the construction of altars at various locations, and the naming of those locations, as a way to cement the memory of His workings in that place forever in the collective conscience of His people.

Nonetheless, there are several terrible down sides to remembering that must be communicated to present a balanced picture of reality in God and keep our minds, and spirits focused properly. The first of these down sides involves what I spoke about in my entry "Dreams, Schemes and Time Machines", where we engage in the hideously unhealthy practice of comparing and contrasting. When we use remembering in this hazardous way, we simply are saying to ourselves, to each other, and indeed, to God Himself, "Things were great then; they suck now. I loved my life then; I hate it now. I was somebody then; I'm a loser now. I was loved then; nobody cares whether I live or die now". What we are really saying, whether we realize it or not, is "God, you were faithful then, but I don't trust you now. God, you were good then, but you are bad now. God, you loved me then, but you don't love me any more." What terrible things to say to God! Yet it is what we convey to Him, and to each other, and to the world, when we engage in such negative remembering. These thoughts are pure, unadulterated LIES from the mouth of the Prince of Darkness himself! Did he not tell Eve that God was holding out on her, that if she ate that fruit that she could gain what God was refusing to give her? Is not his most powerful, deadly and destructive lie that we are unloved and uncared for? Is not his lie that others are more loved and more blessed than us what led Cain to murder Abel, and what was at the root of the prodigal's elder brother's bitterness? How many who have taken the bullet to their head, the razor to their wrist, the noose to their neck, the step off the ledge, or the poison to their mouth been led to this awful and unspeakably tragic end by these very lies embraced, believed and ensnared by?
Folks, this is ugly imagery, but the logical end to this train of thought when allowed to run free is nothing less than what I have described.

Negative remembering can also lead to anger and thoughts of vengeance when we remember wrongs done to us. Organizations like the Mafia, the Crips or Al Qaeda have as their linchpin principals the remembrance of wrongs, and vengeance unto death as the only feasible remedy for those wrongs. Trouble is, when you have two organizations that believe the same principals at each other's throats, the slaughter is endless, as it is with rival Mafia families, the Crips and Bloods, or rival Muslim factions. God told Moses, "vengeance is mine, I will repay" (Deut. 31:35); Paul reiterated this in Romans 12:19. God has a very, very long memory; how easily He could use that against every one of us when we stand before Him in the judgment. However, because of the sacrifice of Christ, all of those wrongs we have done are blotted out, as far as the east is from the west. I think it almost goes without saying that this is the way of Christ when it comes to our dealings with our fellow human beings; to blot out remembrances of wrongs in our own lives. Easier said than done, of course; forgiveness is so often a long and arduous process that God needs to guide us through day by day, and could be the topic of an entirely separate posting. And of course it must be doubly reiterated that it is just as important, if not more, to forgive OURSELVES as it is to forgive others, and just as hard, if not more so. But our Lord is strong in us for both!

The other hazard to remembering, besides bitterness and despondency, is the almost irresistible temptation to re-ignite old fires and revisit old places, in order to recapture the good times and the thrills of those emotions. Nowhere is this more common, and more dangerous, than in the attempt to re-ignite an old love relationship. I of course now know this from very personal experience! There are the rare occasions where this can actually have a happy and holy ending, such as the re-uniting of lost siblings, or of high school sweethearts who have lost contact and found each other again, both available. But too often it leads to relationships that are not healthy or not godly, and ends up re-opening old wounds that were not quite healed. And, in the case of churches, it can lead to attempts to recapture a mode of fellowship or gathering that has long ago passed into the twilight and had its season; a particular avenue of pursuing the Lord that lost its life long ago because the cloud of the Lord moved on, as it did in the Sinai long ago.

And so it would seem that remembering is something that we need to have a strong and constant relationship with our Lord to be able to engage in with a healthy and holy perspective. This is expressed quite nicely I think in two ways; in the aforementioned Streisand song, in this passage:

“Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it’s the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were.”
It is also expressed even better in this passage from Philippians:

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

As important as remembering is in our walk with the Lord, it is equally important to forget. What is it then that we should be forgetting? Well, for one, our past sins and our life before being saved. Not that there are not often good and even holy memories we can treasure from our pre-saved days; they serve to remind us that God was loving us and caring for us even when we rejected and ignored Him. But dwelling on our past life before our salvation is often unhealthy and, needless to say, can lead us back to places we should not go if we become careless. But an even more important reason to forget what is past and press on to what is ahead is quite simply this; the past is dead, it is the past. It can be remembered, but it can never be relived. Nor would we ever want to do so if we really have faith in the goodness of our Lord, and know that our real home lies beyond this mortal coil. Dwelling on the past will lead us either to the suicidal despondency I described earlier if we see our best days as being behind us, or the treadmill of bondage that involves trying to recapture what is dead and gone. Forgetting is a holy exercise when it is for the purpose of moving forward towards our Lord and His Kingdom. Sometimes suffering comes when, in seeming contradiction to the aforementioned Streisand passage, we find we must forget even what was good and pleasant when we find it dragging us backwards and impeding our journey towards Him, and we can not yet see the better things He has for us ahead; this is a wilderness, a three days in the ground, a dark night of the soul that we must all endure at some time or other. We are left with no light behind, and no light ahead, for a short season. This is so hard! But this one verse, among several others, kept me in a time of just this kind back in May:
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30)

So saints, let us remember with God’s eyes, the times of His blessing and His teaching, and even the hard times, with an attitude of thanksgiving, humility and faith, knowing that, as I have said and will keep saying till I pass on to the other life, that OUR LORD IS GOOD. His Mercy endures forever! And let us forget that which holds us back and torments our soul, and move only forward in Him, not just towards the afterlife, but the good things He has for us NOW! HE IS GOOD!

Peace be with you,
Tom Sebring

Beauty

OK, I'm back folks. It's been hard getting any thoughts in the Lord together in any coherent way in the past couple weeks; I have tried to make this a time of a little more taking in from God that putting out. He is of course faithful to the seeking heart at all times. Even when He is silent He is being faithful, for His silence is just what we need at that time, to increase our faith in Him and His ultimate goodness (remember His goodness?) My latest reading has been a book called "The Sacred R0mance" by John Eldredge. This book has been as uplifting and shattering to me as "The Shack" was back in early July, if not more. I don't entirely agree with every part of it, but the one part that struck me like a lightning bolt was where he spoke of two essential aspects of the Christian walk, and indeed of God Himself, that affect our souls to an unparalleled degree; Beauty and Affliction. This unlikely pairing has gotten me thinking, meditating, and praying to a greater degree than I have in a long time about any other aspect of God, save perhaps His goodness. And so I feel the need to talk about Beauty, that aspect of God and all things associated with Him that perhaps draws, grieves and frightens us more than any other.

So, first of all, we probably are wondering in our finite minds, why would we be grieved and/or frightened by Beauty, specifically God's Beauty? Isn't beauty something that calms and eases our souls and minds, and brings joy to our lives? Well, most certainly it is. What person does not find great peace and tranquility in his deepest parts when walking in God's creation, such as a forest, a desert, a beach or a mountaintop? What person does not enjoy entering into healthy romance with a beautiful/handsome person of the opposite gender, and all the joys of the senses and spirit that it entails? What person does not enjoy gazing upon a beautiful painting or sculpture, listening to truly beautiful music or a beautiful singing voice, or reading beautiful words? Indeed, we are created to crave beauty more than any other aspect of life. It is our deepest desire, from the deepest parts of our being, to seek beauty, sometimes with fierce abandon. And folks, let's face it; He made us that way. He made us with a fierce desire for beauty in our lives, for our senses and our souls. And I believe with every fiber of my being that the reason He created us with that fiery desire for beauty is that it could drive us with that strong purpose to seek HIM. He is the very central definition of Beauty; Jesus Christ defines the word beauty. Apart from Him the concept is null and void!

And so, one of the central theses of Eldredge's book that I give only the strongest amen to, is that when we see or experience something of extraordinary beauty in our lives, be it a natural phenomenon, a person, or a work of art, it stirs something almost painfully passionate within us, I mean deep, deep within us. That desire is what Eldredge calls the Sacred Romance; the desire for beauty that won't let us go, that at times torments us. Folks, quite simply, that desire is for Jesus Christ. When we stand on the rim of the Grand Canyon, or look into a lover's eyes, or hear an awesome symphony, we are overjoyed on one level, and crying out for much, much more on another. It is in these moments, when we are finally experiencing something we may have possibly dreamt about all of our lives, something extraordinarily beautiful and of God, that we realize that though it brings us such joy, and rightfully so (for remember He is good and will not withhold any good thing from us), it does not satisfy that burning to the degree that we, in our own human romantic fantasies, envisioned it doing. And, quite frankly, if we really know our God and our Lord, that should be of no surprise to us whatsoever. And here is the reason, pure and simple: ONLY HE, AND HE ALONE, CAN SATISTY THAT BURNING FOR BEAUTY AND LOVE WITHIN OUR DEEPEST PARTS. No artwork, no person, no nature scene, can come even close. And therein lies our dilemma, saints.

It is in this that another of Eldredge's theses comes into play; that we will never, ever be fully satisfied on this fallen, broken planet with anything that it has to offer, even when it is granted by God Himself! And it is here that Beauty becomes almost an enemy to us, in that it torments us with something we can never, ever have in this earthly life. Perfect Beauty. It will elude us all of our lives here on this planet. Because it resides only in our Lord. This is how it torments us, and, quite frankly, how Satan can use it against us; by promising what it can never deliver. No love relationship, no fantastic trip to any fantastic place, no heavenly choir piece, can deliver on the promise that God alone owns.

But here is where I part ways with Eldredge, and perhaps I am guilty of misinterpreting what he is putting across: His last chapter on Hope (a future subject for this blog I'm sure) seems to leave us with the dilemma that ONLY in the afterlife can we EVER have any satisfaction whatsoever, of ANY kind, and that it is our lot as believers to live stripped of our desires for what he calls "Lesser Lovers" (the things of this planet and our own souls), but unable to fill that void with God due to our earthy limitations; in a kind of empty, vacuous limbo that only Heaven will fulfill. To that, if that is what he is truly saying (and it might not be), I must say NONSENSE (my more visceral reaction can't be repeated here, but it means the same thing). As I stated two posts ago, I stake my very life on the Goodness of God, and HE HAS NOT DISAPPOINTED ME. Not in the Afterlife, not in the Sweet By And By, BUT RIGHT HERE AND NOW. In Colossians Chapter 1 Paul speaks of an extraordinary Mystery, a Mystery that was hidden from men and angels for millennia but revealed at last to the followers of Christ. That mystery was this: CHRIST IN YOU, THE HOPE OF GLORY. I don't know about you, but to me that says this; I HAVE JESUS CHRIST LIVING WITHIN ME NOW; NOT IN THE FUTURE, NOT IN THE AFTERLIFE, BUT HERE AND NOW. And so, even though it is absolutely true that I am vexed by the cares of this world and my own wounds (Eldredge calls them "Arrows"), yet at the same time I have Christ FULLY within me, making me complete in him. The supreme and indescribable Beauty that is Christ, and only Christ, lives within ME! This puts us into a very peculiar state of being emotionally and spiritually; what a dear brother of mine from past years once called a "Dissatisfied Satisfaction". We are not quite sure how to feel about experiences of God's love and beauty sometimes; on the one hand we are full of joy and peace and satisfaction; on the other, we can still feel this small gnawing lack within us. That spouse, those children, that awesome mountaintop view, that incredible song, have failed to deliver on their promise to our hearts to fully satisfy. At first we are vexed and troubled by this, and, if we are naive and unwise, we might be tempted to look elsewhere for a better place, person or artwork. Surely that "perfect" one must be just around the corner. But if we are seasoned in the Lord and have gained His wisdom about such things through good and bad experiences, we can just laugh it off pretty much and realize that the complete satisfaction our souls longed for was not meant to be met by ANY things of this planet, even those given by God Himself, but only by HIM. We can therefore learn to be at peace with that dissatisfaction, while not, I repeat, NOT, settling for emptiness and meaninglessness, but enjoying the Life he fully intends for us here and now. He is indeed enough!

So how is beauty grieving? Certainly for the reasons above; that we can't fully find it on this earth and that we must make do with the abundance God has for us here for the time being (which to me is not too shabby). It is when we experience that beauty and then must lose it, which we are all called by God to do at some point in our lives, that the searing agony of Beauty becomes a reality to us. And what a reality; The loss, departure or betrayal of a loved one, the loss of a precious heirloom, the loss of our own youth and physical beauty, the loss of anything that once brought beauty to our lives, wounds us deeply every time. The more beautiful the lost thing or person, the more exquisite is the agony of the loss. We can pretend to be very sanctimonious about it; "oh, that thing didn't mean that much to me; that person wasn't the right one for me anyway..." but who are we kidding? It hurts! And furthermore, God made us so those things hurt! In our suffering we fellowship with His; He certainly lost a lot of the beauty of His life in coming down to this planet, suffering the rejection that He did, and dying the hideous way that He did. And He kept loving, even when He was hated, so when we suffer that most painful of losses of something beautiful, that of a relationship, we suffer with Him in a very intimate way.

It is a part of our self nature, it would seem, to want to possess for ourselves anything beautiful that we see or experience. When we see a beautiful nature scene, we must go there, or we must live there, or we must buy a house there, or we must own that property. When we hear a beautiful musical piece, what do we do but head to the Tower Records or log onto Napster or ITunes to snatch it up ASAP. When we read a beautiful book passage, we head to the Borders or Amazon.com to do the same. And...when we see a beautiful woman or handsome man...we want them for ourselves...that perhaps being the most poisonous part of it. Wanting to possess another person like property has led to more hideous suffering, misery and even murder in relationships of every kind, but particularly in marriages and romances. Little wonder that God put covetousness right up there with theft, murder and idolatry on those two tablets of stone. I believe all of this began in the Garden, when, after eating that awful fruit, our disobedient ancestors became dissatisfied with simply allowing God to shower us with His beauty and enjoy that beauty that He surrounded us with in the natural, including that of each other, and desired to have it all to themselves, that being part and parcel of "being like God". And so, as I mentioned in my last post about comparing and contrasting, we get what we want, and it ends up being a set of shackles rather than a gift of great beauty. People, we possess something within us even angels in the heavenlies do not, and never will, possess; JESUS CHRIST WITHIN US. When I really get my arms around that gift that God has freely given me, why in the world would I want to possess earthly beauty for myself, when I have that awesome beauty dwelling within me? Why not just enjoy the beautiful things of life, like scenery, people and art, as He sees fit to bless me with (remember HE IS GOOD), and share them with others, rather than try to grab it all for myself? Again, He is really, really enough! We will always grieve the loss of something beautiful, but He will always fill that void with Himself if we just let go of that lost thing or person and let him come in.

So now, how is beauty frightening? Well, in my experience it is mainly in this way; it is terrifying, especially His Holy Beauty, in that it exposes our human ugliness. When we "behold the beauty of the Lord" (Psalm 27) in its blindingly spectacular splendor, we really look kind of shabby and disheveled at best in comparison. To me it's kind of like comparing Sleeping Beauty with a female warthog, or a Michelangelo with a Robert Mapplethorpe, or Debussy with the Dead Kennedys. We tend to react like Isaiah, who said "woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips", or like John on Patmos, who fell like a dead man at the sight of the glorified Christ, or like the shepherds on the night of Christ's birth. And rightfully so I suppose, for He is indeed a Holy and righteous God, the same One that Moses could not look at full on. Yet whenever people trembled in fear at His beauty, He always seemed to follow with "do not be afraid", showing His merciful side to assuage our fear. It is not His desire to frighten us with His beauty, but to awaken us out of complacency, and then to tenderly draw us to Him, as the sons and daughters that we are in Him thanks to the blood of Christ. God has no reservations about showing us our human weakness and the true ugliness of our self nature at times, but for me at least, He has always followed that up with showing His mercy and His goodness and His love, blotting out the ugliness. Sometimes, however, we are so mired in our own ugliness, either an addiction or a deep wound that won't heal, that we are not only terrified by His beauty, but by any beauty; in its presence we feel like Isaiah or John, exposed and ugly to the core. We cringe at the sight of a beautiful woman, or work of art, or a scene of nature, rather than let it show us Him, because we can't bear the sight of either. To this dilemma I can only say that a deep work of healing is needed; to some degree I believe that is true with all of us. We need God to remove those "arrows" and deliver us from those bondages that we are powerless to free ourselves from. He is faithful do this! I have heard more stories of God freeing His people from fear and self-hate than I can possibly count. We are indeed healed by His stripes. God has removed many such arrows from my own flesh. And so it is that we experience the pure and blindingly splendid beauty of our Lord, both terrifying and joyful, either directly through revelation, or indirectly through such wondrous images and shadows of Himself such as marriage, childbirth, friendship, creation, music, art and even food. Certainly we long for the substance of those shadows, and we have it, in that He lives in us, albeit through a glass darkly. But I myself am at peace about that; the shadows will have to do in many cases until I obtain the promised Resurrection. He is Good, He is Love, He is Beautiful!
Peace be with you,

Tom Sebring